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The Creative Union[br]of Comedy and Musical Films
00:00:17.29,00:00:19.69
Presents
00:00:20.90,00:00:28.22
Kin Dza Dza
00:00:41.88,00:00:47.08
Screenplay[br]Revaz Gabriadze[br]Giorgi Danelia
00:00:47.53,00:00:51.83
Director[br]Giorgi Danelia
00:00:52.27,00:00:56.64
Cinematography[br]Paval Lebeshev
00:00:57.08,00:01:02.25
Design[br]Aleksandr Samulekin[br]Theodor Tezik
00:01:02.69,00:01:06.65
Composer[br]Gia Kancheli
00:01:07.09,00:01:11.06
Sound[br]Yekaterina Popova
00:01:11.50,00:01:15.87
Assistant Director[br]Sergei Skripka
00:01:16.31,00:01:20.27
Operators[br]L. Bits[br]K. Gevorkyan[br]U. Yakovlev
00:02:12.40,00:02:13.34
Hi
00:02:13.58,00:02:14.65
Hi
00:02:16.47,00:02:17.65
what's new?
00:02:17.95,00:02:20.84
Manohin had a pipe burst at the factory
00:02:55.24,00:02:57.18
How's the star schoolboy?
00:02:57.78,00:02:59.37
He's out playing...
00:02:59.43,00:03:03.38
Vovka, pop out for some bread[br] - I forgot it, can you?
00:03:06.45,00:03:08.28
And I don't think there's enough macaroni
00:03:23.38,00:03:27.69
Comrade, that man says he's from another planet;[br]we need to do something.
00:03:28.10,00:03:29.45
Call 03
00:03:29.75,00:03:32.71
I will call but he's barefoot - he'll catch cold
00:03:37.60,00:03:38.60
Hello!
00:03:38.60,00:03:44.57
Hello. Excuse my bad smell. I'm cold.[br]I found this in an iron bin.
00:03:44.74,00:03:45.69
Fine.
00:03:45.86,00:03:49.75
Friend! Tell me the number of your planet[br]in the tenture?
00:03:49.99,00:03:52.30
Or at least the number of your galaxy[br]in the spiral?
00:03:52.48,00:03:56.49
I got my contacts mixed up and now[br]I can't return home.
00:03:56.84,00:04:00.33
We don't know the number.[br]We forgot, my friend.
00:04:00.86,00:04:06.33
And now this lad will go and call information,[br]and we'll wait for him in the bakers, okay?
00:04:06.69,00:04:08.17
And put this on meanwhile...
00:04:08.52,00:04:15.66
Thank you... Listen, my friends.[br]There's no need for the bakers,[br]no need for information.
00:04:15.89,00:04:23.51
This is my planet... 247 in tenture,[br]galaxy Beta, in the spiral.
00:04:23.92,00:04:27.69
With this machine you travel in space...
00:04:27.99,00:04:31.48
So which co-ordinates do I press[br]in order to travel home?
00:04:32.01,00:04:35.01
You see time is relative -[br]do you understand this?
00:04:35.44,00:04:36.85
Let me make a suggestion.
00:04:36.85,00:04:41.27
We'll just press this contact[br]and travel to your home.
00:04:41.27,00:04:42.98
But if this machine doesn't work,
00:04:42.98,00:04:48.01
then you travel with us to where[br]we want to take you, okay?
00:04:49.13,00:04:51.79
No, you can't... [br]You need to know...
00:04:51.79,00:04:53.77
Yes we can...
00:05:11.72,00:05:14.14
So what can you see? Eh?
00:05:14.32,00:05:15.68
Sand...
00:05:15.91,00:05:18.38
So that gadget worked...
00:05:22.10,00:05:25.53
and that idiot, with his holes,[br]he stayed behind?
00:05:28.48,00:05:30.20
Don’t worry...
00:05:33.31,00:05:37.04
There's the sun, there's sand,[br]there's gravity.
00:05:37.16,00:05:40.65
Where are we? We're on Earth. Or...
00:05:40.88,00:05:41.52
Or?
00:05:41.70,00:05:46.65
No, let's take it we're on Earth,[br]in some desert... So?
00:05:46.65,00:05:50.83
Karakumi? Eh?[br]What other deserts do we have?
00:05:51.19,00:05:52.50
Gobi, Sahara...
00:05:52.50,00:05:53.91
No, I said OUR deserts!
00:05:53.91,00:05:56.32
The only other one is the Kyzylkumi.
00:05:56.67,00:06:02.65
No. Let's take it that it's the Karakumi. Eh?
00:06:03.88,00:06:05.30
So that means...
00:06:05.89,00:06:10.49
The sun's in the west... so,[br]Ashabad is this way. Understood?
00:06:10.72,00:06:12.85
let's go!
00:06:19.35,00:06:21.52
Let's go... let's go!
00:06:46.78,00:06:50.08
Comrade, what's your name?
00:06:51.15,00:06:53.39
Vladimir Nikolaevich.
00:06:53.68,00:06:55.57
And I'm Gedevan.
00:06:55.57,00:06:57.05
Pleased to meet you...
00:07:14.10,00:07:17.64
You have a bottle in your bag,[br]is it wine?
00:07:18.05,00:07:21.24
No, it's wine vinegar.
00:07:24.95,00:07:28.13
And some herbs - coriander.
00:07:28.13,00:07:30.50
So we'll live well.
00:07:35.88,00:07:41.95
Vladimir Nikolaevich, do you remember[br]what number was given by[br]the guy who took my socks?
00:07:42.54,00:07:43.72
No.
00:07:44.37,00:07:47.92
Only maybe we're on the planet,[br]he came from?
00:07:48.33,00:07:53.46
Listen, Skripach! Whatever we guess,[br]it's all the same and won’t change a thing!
00:07:53.46,00:07:56.77
Now we choose a direction and go.
00:07:57.30,00:08:00.19
The most important thing is to reach water.[br]Alright?
00:08:04.85,00:08:07.74
Vladimir Nikoaevich,[br]I want to put my slippers on.
00:08:07.85,00:08:09.56
Well, put them on!
00:08:09.74,00:08:11.33
Then wait!
00:08:19.89,00:08:21.42
What's the time?
00:08:21.48,00:08:22.90
Four.
00:08:23.13,00:08:24.50
In the morning?
00:08:24.50,00:08:26.15
Yes...
00:08:32.16,00:08:34.11
Are you late?
00:08:35.06,00:08:40.50
I feel uncomfortable...[br]I phoned the airport to say I'd be[br]there in an hour. And here we are...
00:08:41.31,00:08:43.20
Are you studying at the conservatory?
00:08:43.20,00:08:47.75
No, it's someone else's. Professor Rogozina.
00:08:47.75,00:08:53.82
He gave a harvest concert for us,[br]and they forgot to put the violin[br]in the plane.
00:08:54.23,00:08:55.53
A banquet?
00:08:55.53,00:08:57.42
No, dinner...
00:08:58.18,00:08:59.54
Ah! Are you from Tibilisi?
00:08:59.54,00:09:01.79
No, Batumi.
00:09:02.20,00:09:05.62
I thought I'd return the violin,[br]and still have time to catch the train.
00:09:05.98,00:09:08.86
I study textiles in Ivanova.
00:09:08.86,00:09:09.81
Aha...
00:09:10.22,00:09:16.24
So first I went to MGIMO to return it,[br]to the institute of international relations,[br]but they told me there that...
00:09:16.36,00:09:18.84
Quiet!...
00:10:16.25,00:10:17.85
A man...
00:10:23.10,00:10:24.93
Hello...
00:10:40.80,00:10:43.10
American?
00:11:02.93,00:11:04.87
Do you know any languages?
00:11:04.93,00:11:07.48
English. Some French.
00:11:08.01,00:11:10.13
Tell them we have no money...
00:11:13.02,00:11:14.85
Tell them we can't pay them.
00:11:39.57,00:11:44.36
Hello! We are from a group of tourists[br]and we've strayed from the group.
00:11:44.65,00:11:49.37
Take us to the town,[br]and somehow we'll regroup.... <Translate>.
00:11:49.79,00:11:51.37
Do you speak English?
00:11:54.67,00:11:57.10
Parle francais?
00:11:57.93,00:11:59.28
Hello..
00:11:59.99,00:12:04.00
Do you speak English? Parle Francais?
00:12:07.25,00:12:09.02
...Sprechen Sie Deutch?
00:12:18.22,00:12:20.34
Chatl!
00:12:21.99,00:12:27.31
No money. Money, documents,[br]currency - all left with the tour guide.
00:12:27.48,00:12:33.33
So, that's the result...[br]we turned our backs for a minute and...[br]disappeared in the sands.
00:12:47.55,00:12:49.98
Take it. It's warm.
00:12:52.33,00:12:54.51
Excuse me, what?
00:12:56.70,00:12:59.29
You want my hat?
00:13:07.96,00:13:12.45
I'm sorry...it's somebody else's,[br]I can't give it away...
00:13:17.06,00:13:19.18
There's nothing in there.
00:13:19.18,00:13:21.17
Open it.
00:13:26.49,00:13:29.09
It's not wine, it's vinegar.
00:13:38.89,00:13:40.95
Sour, eh?
00:13:50.33,00:13:54.28
Well friend so it's agreed?[br]You'll take us?
00:13:54.70,00:13:56.76
Skripach, quickly...
00:14:02.19,00:14:06.09
Like I said we must get to the nearest town,[br]and here's a way we can get there!
00:14:09.45,00:14:11.63
The jacket now...
00:14:29.69,00:14:32.23
A good thing they don't want the violin.
00:14:52.46,00:14:54.42
Now they feel ashamed!
00:15:10.58,00:15:12.42
<Ktse>
00:15:16.13,00:15:17.61
What do you mean 'Ktse'?
00:15:21.86,00:15:23.92
He seems to want the matches.
00:15:24.22,00:15:26.22
You want the matches?
00:15:31.40,00:15:32.94
There.
00:15:49.24,00:15:51.24
The whole box?
00:15:52.65,00:15:56.67
Take us away from here,[br]and we'll give you 'koo'.
00:17:13.25,00:17:18.33
Not one letter to identify where it's made...
00:17:26.95,00:17:28.89
Excuse me, I don't understand...
00:17:32.68,00:17:34.67
Do you speak Turkish?
00:17:44.13,00:17:46.36
What do they want?
00:17:47.83,00:17:50.02
They want Koo!
00:18:05.30,00:18:07.13
<Tsak>
00:18:07.60,00:18:09.61
Thank you...
00:18:15.51,00:18:17.93
He wants me to wear the bell.
00:18:20.35,00:18:21.95
Too bad.
00:18:27.02,00:18:29.73
I'll wear it, Vladimir Nikolaevich,[br]if it makes him happy...
00:18:32.10,00:18:34.40
Go ahead!
00:19:00.89,00:19:03.59
All right, I'm persuaded.
00:20:38.78,00:20:40.66
I'm going to light up,[br]if that's all right with you...
00:20:43.97,00:20:46.38
Quiet, quiet, quiet!
00:21:36.61,00:21:40.38
Vladimir Nikolaevich,[br]maybe we really are on...
00:21:42.10,00:21:44.81
Yes! Typical Martians.
00:22:07.46,00:22:12.88
Lusenka, darling, pest,[br]it seems to you these...macaroni.
00:22:21.75,00:22:29.24
So. We know Russian do we?[br]Why was it necessary to conceal it?
00:22:29.88,00:22:36.63
Well we didn't conceal it.[br]It's very difficult to fathom a language,[br]when straight away you're[br]thinking in two languages.
00:22:36.63,00:22:41.15
And that Patsak is talking[br]all the time in languages,[br]the rest of which he doesn't know.
00:22:41.33,00:22:44.47
Why are you staring at me,[br]maimoona verishvilo.
00:22:45.17,00:22:47.00
They know Georgian too...
00:22:47.06,00:22:48.71
What did he say?
00:22:48.71,00:22:50.24
Ape son of a donkey.
00:22:50.24,00:22:55.61
So. We're from the Soviet Union,[br]here on a cultural exchange.
00:22:55.61,00:22:58.04
They know us, and where we are,[br]and can find us.
00:22:58.04,00:23:04.88
If you're not prepared to let us contact[br]our embassy, there will be large scale repercussions,[br]is that clear?
00:23:09.37,00:23:12.90
We don't understand ‘embassy’,[br]put on the bell quickly!
00:23:13.61,00:23:21.29
That means you understand macaroni,[br]you understand maimuni,[br]but you don’t know what's an embassy, idiots.
00:23:21.88,00:23:25.66
I've had enough![br]You're morons, understand?
00:23:25.84,00:23:33.85
You thought about macaroni and I just repeated it.[br]This is not the Earth, and not Africa, my friend.
00:23:33.85,00:23:43.46
It's the planet Pluk, 215 in tenture.[br]In the galactic spiral of Kin Dza Dza.[br]Do you understand?
00:23:46.06,00:23:49.55
How do you do? Let's go...
00:23:51.55,00:23:57.27
Wear the bells, my friend... Wear them.
00:24:00.82,00:24:04.89
There we are, well done.
00:24:33.15,00:24:34.91
Excuse me, where are we?
00:24:34.91,00:24:40.47
Sh! She has very sensitive ears.[br]Do you know the tenture of your own planet?
00:24:40.47,00:24:41.42
Tenture?
00:24:41.42,00:24:45.48
Well, tell me the number of[br]your galaxy in the spiral.
00:24:45.48,00:24:46.31
In the spiral?
00:24:46.31,00:24:47.73
In the spiral. The spiral...
00:24:47.73,00:24:48.14
Yes...
00:24:48.14,00:24:55.76
You know where the earth is.[br]It orbits with such planets as er... [br]Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...
00:24:55.76,00:24:57.70
What others, Vladimir Nikolaevich?
00:24:57.70,00:24:59.29
The Great Bear.
00:24:59.29,00:25:01.65
Vladimir Nikolaevich - come here.
00:25:07.62,00:25:10.62
On your planet do you have more matches?
00:25:10.62,00:25:12.38
Well, you'll find them.
00:25:12.38,00:25:15.40
How many will you give us[br]if we set you back there?
00:25:16.58,00:25:18.17
How many do you need?
00:25:18.17,00:25:20.42
Two packs like these!
00:25:20.42,00:25:21.60
Seven!
00:25:21.60,00:25:23.12
Seven.
00:25:23.71,00:25:28.79
But give us what you have now,[br]I will buy a gravitsapa from them.
00:25:28.79,00:25:30.92
Sorry, but what is a gravitsapa?
00:25:30.92,00:25:35.99
Without a gravitsapa a pepelats[br]can only fly like this,
00:25:35.99,00:25:41.43
but with one you can reach[br]any point in the universe - in five seconds.
00:25:41.43,00:25:47.10
My friends, how is it that you bring a pepelats[br]without a gravitsapa from the garage?[br]It's not in working order.
00:25:47.10,00:25:50.15
We had a gravitsapa. But when[br]we arrived here, it broke down.
00:25:50.15,00:25:51.33
Aha.
00:25:51.33,00:25:53.29
But don't you have a transference machine?
00:25:53.29,00:25:53.76
No.
00:25:53.76,00:25:54.47
No.
00:25:54.94,00:25:56.65
Give me the matches.
00:25:57.01,00:25:58.78
Give us some water.
00:26:19.43,00:26:26.56
Like this! You need to do this![br]Foo.. You need to do this![br]Foo...Do this...Foo...
00:26:26.56,00:26:30.28
It's yours, now smoke like this.
00:26:30.28,00:26:32.28
Thank you.
00:26:36.43,00:26:41.38
He says there they have a gravitsapa.[br]Put your matches here.
00:26:41.61,00:26:46.58
Here's what we'll do. When you put us[br]on the earth, you can have them...
00:26:46.58,00:26:47.70
What do you mean?
00:26:47.70,00:26:50.52
Come on, Skripach, to the open cosmos.
00:26:51.18,00:26:58.25
Wait! Come back. Come back!
00:26:58.25,00:27:00.73
On mother earth you'll get them.
00:27:00.73,00:27:06.33
Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said[br]if we take you, you will give us them all.
00:27:06.33,00:27:11.58
But then you stole this match from us.[br]Patsak doesn't cheat patsak[br]it's not nice, my friend...
00:27:11.58,00:27:13.54
I said - take us to the town!
00:27:13.54,00:27:14.84
And what's this?
00:27:14.84,00:27:15.84
A shed.
00:27:15.84,00:27:24.40
And what's this? What's this?[br]What's this here - not a town?!
00:27:24.40,00:27:31.65
You're trying to make fools of us.[br]Show us your gravitsapa.[br]It's a trade thing. We'll take it.
00:27:32.59,00:27:42.38
Patsak! What kind of idiots have I got here[br]who give me contraband ktse in front of witnesses,[br]when for that you'll get life imprisonment[br]lying on nails?
00:27:42.38,00:27:45.03
Have you got a brain in your head or Kyoo?
00:27:47.11,00:27:49.35
We'll buy it ourselves. Come on.
00:27:51.13,00:27:54.77
Stop! Stop I say!
00:27:59.97,00:28:06.29
Who are you? I asked, who are you?
00:28:07.41,00:28:08.70
The new foreman.
00:28:08.70,00:28:11.71
No. You're a patsak. And who are you?
00:28:11.71,00:28:13.02
I'm a Georgian.
00:28:13.02,00:28:18.87
No, You're a patsak too. You're a patsak,[br]you're a patsak and he's a patsak.
00:28:18.87,00:28:22.10
But I'm chatlanian, and they are chatlanian.
00:28:22.10,00:28:26.35
So you wear the tsak and sit in[br]the pepelats, understand?
00:28:26.71,00:28:28.05
What?
00:28:28.05,00:28:34.84
Watch when I point this device at myself,[br]my friend... which point registers? Green.
00:28:34.84,00:28:41.40
Now at him, watch - green too.[br]And at you...Green.
00:28:41.40,00:28:46.11
Now look at Uef - which colour?[br]Orange?
00:28:46.11,00:28:50.72
Because he is Chatlanian![br]Well, do you understand?
00:28:50.72,00:28:51.72
So what?
00:28:51.72,00:28:56.80
Pluk is the Chatlanian planet.[br]Therefore we, Patsaks, must wear the tsak...
00:28:56.80,00:29:01.93
Yes, and in front of we Chatlanians[br]you must do this...
00:29:02.64,00:29:05.71
Vladimir Nikolaevich, it's unashamed racism.
00:29:06.06,00:29:07.96
Show us again, please.
00:29:08.55,00:29:09.67
Like this!
00:29:09.67,00:29:11.54
If you would, a little slower...
00:29:11.54,00:29:13.38
Like this.
00:29:14.74,00:29:23.30
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you have a wife at home,[br]a son doing badly at school,[br]a cooperative flat you haven't paid for,
00:29:23.30,00:29:30.37
and you're here...you're brain has gone.[br]It's ended pretty badly, my friend.
00:29:35.22,00:29:37.74
Very well, Skripach, let's play their games...
00:29:37.74,00:29:39.16
There we are, well done.
00:29:39.16,00:29:42.82
Now give a match to Uef, and he will buy the gravitsapa.
00:29:42.82,00:29:44.71
But it was said that you need them all.
00:29:44.71,00:29:46.84
I was joking.
00:29:46.84,00:29:48.83
Very funny.
00:29:51.26,00:29:54.39
Wait. We'll go together...
00:29:59.70,00:30:02.71
Don't show them your ktse, and don't think about them.
00:30:02.71,00:30:05.88
You show them my ktse.[br]And don't give them more than half a match.
00:30:05.88,00:30:08.07
Gravitsapa costs half a match.
00:30:09.25,00:30:11.97
Your Patsak said a whole match.
00:30:13.21,00:30:15.39
And he was joking.
00:30:32.03,00:30:34.10
Grade 300 cement?
00:30:36.93,00:30:40.65
Patsak! Remember - Half or less.
00:30:40.65,00:30:41.83
Okay.
00:30:41.83,00:30:44.84
Excuse me - Chatlanian and Patsak - is it nationality?
00:30:44.84,00:30:46.84
No.
00:30:47.14,00:30:48.62
Biological factor?
00:30:48.62,00:30:49.62
No.
00:30:49.62,00:30:51.22
From different planets?
00:30:51.22,00:30:52.39
No.
00:30:52.39,00:30:54.74
So what distinguishes you from one another?
00:30:54.74,00:30:59.29
Are you colour blind, Skripach?[br]Green differs from orange doesn't it?
00:30:59.29,00:31:01.30
Tourist!
00:31:07.25,00:31:09.25
Wow!
00:31:10.96,00:31:12.97
Skyscraper!
00:31:13.16,00:31:15.29
Come on!
00:31:28.34,00:31:30.27
<do>
00:31:30.57,00:31:35.82
Hello, citizen. You won't feel the cold[br]in that coat, eh?
00:31:46.20,00:31:51.34
They will keep me out. They will let you in.[br]Don't give them ktse,
00:31:51.34,00:31:53.93
bring the gravitsapa here, and I'll look at it.
00:31:55.48,00:31:57.18
Come on...
00:32:00.42,00:32:01.84
Not you!
00:32:01.84,00:32:02.96
We're together!
00:32:02.96,00:32:04.20
Not you!
00:32:04.20,00:32:06.86
Vladimir Nikolaevich, tell him!
00:32:06.86,00:32:08.86
It's alright.
00:32:09.57,00:32:11.39
Wait here.
00:32:18.14,00:32:20.49
Only don't go anywhere!
00:32:39.31,00:32:41.14
Hi!
00:32:44.63,00:32:46.33
How's life?
00:32:49.70,00:32:55.31
You say, bow... but out of respect[br]for the ladies present...
00:32:58.37,00:33:01.15
Well what's new on Pluk?
00:33:02.32,00:33:05.33
Lay down the ktse, and you'll get the gravitsapa.
00:33:17.56,00:33:19.80
Half?
00:33:20.67,00:33:22.68
Half.
00:33:23.51,00:33:25.33
Can I look at it?
00:33:25.33,00:33:27.33
Look.
00:33:38.79,00:33:46.58
In general I am not a specialist on these gravitsapa,[br]so let's go and show it to my Chatlanian.[br]He'll examine it.
00:33:46.58,00:33:49.66
Right. Let's fit the Tsapa.
00:34:07.47,00:34:09.59
Bad throat?
00:34:14.37,00:34:15.78
Water...
00:34:15.78,00:34:24.58
I have a proposal. I'll give you that ktse,[br]and you give me two bottles of water.[br]Agreed?
00:34:24.58,00:34:26.58
Let's do it.
00:34:37.91,00:34:39.81
Do you have any food?
00:34:39.81,00:34:41.63
Kasha...
00:34:41.63,00:34:43.64
What sort?
00:34:44.53,00:34:46.77
Plastic.
00:34:52.50,00:35:03.58
So if I give you a whole ktse, you'll give me[br]five bottles of water and a kilo of kasha.
00:35:07.53,00:35:08.71
For what?
00:35:08.71,00:35:10.36
Ktse.
00:35:11.37,00:35:12.79
we need to check it again.
00:35:12.79,00:35:14.79
Check it!
00:35:32.56,00:35:34.62
Oi, just a second!
00:35:36.74,00:35:38.52
Wait...
00:36:06.02,00:36:11.15
Skripach! Can you obtain more matches on Earth?
00:36:12.03,00:36:14.21
I can.
00:36:17.05,00:36:22.95
If you can spit this further, I'll give you a half chatl.[br]Like so... spit.
00:36:22.95,00:36:27.73
If I can, you give me two matches....
00:36:37.76,00:36:38.58
Do you see?
00:36:38.58,00:36:39.29
No.
00:36:39.29,00:36:44.96
It's just a game. I give you half a chatl,[br]you give me three matches.
00:36:44.96,00:36:46.31
Go ahead, spit, my son.
00:36:46.31,00:36:48.30
Thank you, I'd rather not.
00:36:49.26,00:36:57.47
Well fine. Give me one match,[br]or I give you three chatla, yellow trousers[br]and these odds. Go on!
00:36:57.47,00:36:59.06
No!
00:36:59.06,00:37:00.36
Blue trousers...
00:37:00.36,00:37:03.19
Mr Uef, I will not enter such terms and conditions.
00:37:03.19,00:37:11.87
Are you going to change your mind?[br] Why are you annoying me, maimoona verishvilo?
00:37:14.40,00:37:20.72
Mr. Uef! I represent a civilized planet,[br]and I demand that you follow our lexicon!
00:37:48.63,00:37:50.69
Where are they?
00:37:51.16,00:37:52.04
Who?
00:37:52.04,00:37:56.12
The one with a scar, who I like an idiot[br]gave all the matches to.
00:39:06.46,00:39:08.81
Quiet, my friends. Enough!
00:39:10.11,00:39:15.61
Enough? What do you mean enough?[br]I told him a thousand times[br]we need to go to the centre.
00:39:15.61,00:39:20.74
But he's greedy, like all[br]Chatlanians - 'for two chatlas cheaper!'
00:39:22.21,00:39:24.86
Well there's still one.
00:39:28.53,00:39:31.43
As I understand it, enough for a gravitsapa.
00:39:32.07,00:39:34.31
Give it to me. Here.
00:39:34.31,00:39:35.37
Why?
00:39:35.37,00:39:37.50
To buy a gravitsapa.
00:39:39.33,00:39:40.80
Where?
00:39:40.80,00:39:43.35
There, in the centre.
00:39:43.35,00:39:50.76
And how will you return us to[br]Mother Earth, when you don't even know[br]in which galaxy she orbits?
00:39:51.41,00:39:56.38
The number of your planet, idiot,[br]any planetarium in the centre[br]will give out for two chatlas!
00:39:57.54,00:39:59.74
So you'll give me the match?
00:40:00.21,00:40:02.39
So you can cover us in sand?
00:40:02.39,00:40:03.99
So you won't give it?
00:40:03.99,00:40:05.11
No.
00:40:05.11,00:40:07.70
And you won't change your mind?
00:40:07.70,00:40:10.12
That won't happen!
00:40:14.54,00:40:17.68
Then goodbye, my friend.
00:40:23.40,00:40:25.40
They're going, Vladimir Nikolaevich.
00:40:25.52,00:40:28.95
They won't go anywhere,[br]they'll hang themselves for a match.
00:40:37.15,00:40:45.82
Either you agree to give us that match,[br]or we won't take you to the Earth[br]for less than seven boxes!
00:40:50.60,00:40:53.08
Two thousand.
00:40:53.61,00:40:55.50
Three
00:40:55.50,00:40:57.56
Two thousand three hundred
00:40:57.56,00:40:59.34
Three
00:41:08.01,00:41:10.49
Two thousand five hundred,[br]I can't give you more.
00:41:10.61,00:41:13.03
You can, my friend.
00:41:13.21,00:41:15.27
Mr Bee,
00:41:17.92,00:41:24.18
I have 50 rubles, matches[br]cost 2 kopeks a box,
00:41:24.18,00:41:27.54
that means I can buy[br]two and a half thousand...
00:41:27.54,00:41:31.79
Skripach you're lying![br]You have more chatls.
00:41:35.97,00:41:41.69
Mr Uef! I am not Skripach to you![br]My name is Gedevan Alexandrovich...
00:41:50.38,00:41:52.20
what's that, an engine?
00:41:52.20,00:41:54.57
Don't poke your nose in every hole!
00:41:54.57,00:41:56.81
...Gedevan Alexandervich...
00:42:00.24,00:42:06.07
Gedevan, let's tie up these lads now,[br]and take a course to the North.
00:42:06.66,00:42:08.43
Why?
00:42:08.43,00:42:11.27
Maybe the shores of the Mediterranean are there?
00:42:13.16,00:42:15.41
Ha, so Vladimir Nicolaevich,[br]you've gone out of your mind, my friend.
00:42:15.41,00:42:21.88
Where on Pluk is there a sea?[br]They made fuel from them long ago.
00:42:22.59,00:42:25.78
Sorry, they made what?
00:42:25.78,00:42:27.85
Fuel, Skripach, fuel...
00:42:30.74,00:42:33.27
Now you owe us six thousand,[br]one hundred and forty boxes.
00:42:33.27,00:42:35.69
How has it accumulated so much?
00:42:35.69,00:42:39.35
You ate the kasha, you drank the[br]water... and took the bandura.
00:42:40.95,00:42:44.95
No, delete the bandura... we don't want[br]the bandura. Put it down...
00:42:53.88,00:42:59.24
Let's at least take something technical,[br]if not who will believe it?
00:42:59.24,00:43:03.26
Now give them the violin,[br]if you like it so much.
00:43:05.38,00:43:10.92
It's an 18th century Italian violin,[br]and cost 1000 rubles, if not more.
00:43:10.92,00:43:13.22
How will I pay for it?
00:43:15.58,00:43:21.48
Skripac, instead of thinking[br]that you're the first Georgian cosmonaut,
00:43:21.48,00:43:29.39
give back the spoon you stole from a poor artist.
00:43:30.87,00:43:33.52
I never thought of such a thing...
00:43:39.13,00:43:43.85
I wanted to return it to the institute of[br]non-ferrous metals, something new...
00:43:44.97,00:43:51.87
Heavens! The heavens never saw such[br]a disreputable Patsak as you, Skripach.
00:43:51.87,00:43:54.82
I am deeply sad.
00:44:00.07,00:44:01.54
Where are you going?
00:44:01.54,00:44:02.97
To the toilet.
00:44:02.97,00:44:09.58
You can't go to the toilet with money,[br]money is left here. Gedevan Aleksandervich.
00:44:45.86,00:44:48.17
Ktse are very dear, my friend.
00:44:48.17,00:44:50.40
Why?
00:44:50.40,00:44:56.13
Well now, on Earth,[br]how do you determine who should squat[br]in front of whom and how many times?
00:44:56.13,00:44:58.97
Well, you just have a feel for it.
00:44:59.50,00:45:06.81
Barbarian! Listen, I've started[br]to like you, and I'm teaching you.
00:45:06.98,00:45:12.48
If I have a few ktse,[br]I have the right to wear yellow trousers.
00:45:12.60,00:45:18.84
And in front of me a patsak[br]should squat not one, But two times.
00:45:18.84,00:45:26.71
If I have many ktse, I have[br]the right to wear crimson trousers,
00:45:26.71,00:45:35.07
and a patsak should squat[br]twice in front of me,[br]and chatlanian say koo.
00:45:35.07,00:45:41.45
And the Etsilop don't have[br]the right to beat me at night.[br]Never.
00:45:43.51,00:45:51.96
I have a suggestion, my friend.[br]You give us the match, now, and we'll then[br]give you yellow trousers, okay?
00:45:53.01,00:45:55.66
Thanks, I have some already,[br]perhaps Skripach needs them.
00:45:55.67,00:45:59.62
Skripach! Here are some[br]interplanetary trousers for sale.
00:46:00.45,00:46:03.05
Yellow ones. Do you want them?
00:46:04.65,00:46:06.34
Skripach isn't here, my friend.
00:46:06.34,00:46:07.17
Why not?
00:46:07.17,00:46:08.71
I ejected him.
00:46:08.71,00:46:14.97
But you needn't worry, Vladimir Nikolaevich[br]we have another ejector seat.[br]A new one. It's all in order.
00:46:14.97,00:46:16.74
I don't understand...
00:46:16.74,00:46:20.16
I pressed the button - he flew.
00:46:20.57,00:46:26.00
We don't need Skripach, my friend,[br]he only uses extra fuel...
00:46:36.15,00:46:38.57
Turn around!
00:46:38.57,00:46:39.80
Not possible...
00:46:39.80,00:46:42.70
Fuel is finished. We need to fly to the fuel station.
00:46:43.69,00:46:47.77
Turn around! Or this damned match[br]will burn now!
00:46:49.78,00:46:52.26
Gedevan!
00:46:56.56,00:46:58.98
Skripach!
00:47:02.77,00:47:04.95
Skripach!
00:47:16.68,00:47:18.16
What can have become of him?
00:47:18.16,00:47:21.81
You've been told.[br]The etsilops have caught him.
00:47:22.46,00:47:23.76
Well let's fly, my friend.
00:47:23.76,00:47:25.54
I could murder you!
00:47:30.03,00:47:32.56
Get in touch with the epsilops by radio!
00:47:33.15,00:47:35.86
But we don't have a radio,[br]we threw it out.
00:47:36.45,00:47:37.98
I'll be back... I'll take a look...
00:47:37.98,00:47:39.98
Epsilop!
00:47:48.73,00:47:50.79
Put on the tsak, quick...
00:47:52.69,00:47:54.22
put on the tsak.
00:47:54.22,00:47:56.05
Leave it!
00:48:08.44,00:48:12.80
Put it on, or he will trankluk you.[br]You and the match.
00:49:07.21,00:49:09.09
Good day.
00:49:09.09,00:49:12.58
Listen, friend, We lost a young lad here,[br]you haven't come across him?
00:49:14.82,00:49:16.76
What?
00:49:28.81,00:49:33.58
O! Sorry, I forgot... [br]They said you picked him up.
00:50:13.54,00:50:17.25
I said we don't need Skripach. I said it.
00:50:17.25,00:50:20.37
Now how do we buy luts? How?
00:50:26.27,00:50:28.58
You're a disease, my friend...
00:50:28.58,00:50:31.41
He's worse. He's just kyoo.
00:51:06.76,00:51:12.78
Here's a suggestion.[br]We find Skripach, and fly to the local government...
00:51:12.78,00:51:15.13
Bring a little sand, my friend...
00:51:16.54,00:51:19.56
We tell him who we are, where we're from...
00:51:21.98,00:51:30.30
They'll give us a gravitsapa, and we'll[br]organize some mutually beneficial trade
00:51:32.07,00:51:36.90
you give us yellow trousers and[br]we give you as many ktse as you want.
00:51:37.55,00:51:40.68
To fly to the government - we need[br]to have a gravitsapa.
00:51:40.68,00:51:43.81
The governors live on another planet, my friend.
00:52:29.42,00:52:32.14
Uncle Vova! I'm here!
00:52:34.62,00:52:36.33
Here...
00:52:51.19,00:52:52.13
Skripach!
00:52:52.13,00:52:52.84
What!
00:52:52.84,00:52:55.21
And where... My thing, what is it...
00:52:55.21,00:52:57.21
Tsak?
00:52:58.16,00:52:59.75
Well?
00:53:00.64,00:53:01.88
I have it.
00:53:01.88,00:53:02.94
So give it to me!
00:53:02.94,00:53:03.99
Why here?
00:53:03.99,00:53:06.18
Well, just give it to me, I said!
00:53:09.90,00:53:11.62
There's no one here.
00:53:12.91,00:53:14.09
That's mine.
00:53:14.09,00:53:16.22
Alright, then keep it ready.
00:53:36.34,00:53:38.40
You asleep?
00:53:39.18,00:53:41.12
No.
00:53:41.12,00:53:43.29
Don't lose heart, Skripach.
00:53:43.29,00:53:46.83
If there is a gravitsapa on[br]this Plyuk, we'll get it.
00:53:47.84,00:53:50.21
We've got scarcer things...
00:53:54.50,00:53:56.45
Listen!
00:53:59.11,00:54:01.59
Eh! Wait!
00:54:02.89,00:54:05.54
Listen, drop us off in the centre.
00:54:05.54,00:54:06.85
Patsak! Stop.
00:54:06.85,00:54:08.49
What?
00:54:09.20,00:54:13.75
Don't come any closer.[br]Why do you want?
00:54:13.75,00:54:15.52
Take us to the centre!...
00:54:15.52,00:54:17.53
Three chatlas..
00:54:18.00,00:54:21.35
No money! But we'll work for it!
00:54:21.35,00:54:23.25
And what can you do?
00:54:23.90,00:54:26.20
Me? I can do everything!
00:54:26.20,00:54:27.08
And what exactly?
00:54:27.08,00:54:33.75
Vladimir Nikolaevich is a[br]builder foreman, he can build you a house
00:54:33.75,00:54:35.81
And what can you do?
00:54:36.40,00:54:37.75
Me?
00:54:38.30,00:54:41.01
He can play the violin!
00:54:42.13,00:54:44.20
Play...
00:54:44.73,00:54:45.90
Play.
00:54:45.90,00:54:48.97
I can't!
00:54:48.97,00:54:51.04
See you around, Patsaks.
00:54:51.04,00:54:55.35
Woman! Wait! I can play!
00:54:55.35,00:54:57.35
Play!
00:54:57.35,00:54:58.94
Here?
00:54:58.94,00:55:01.13
There!
00:55:22.02,00:55:25.49
Wait a minute...I can tune this up...
00:55:30.10,00:55:32.34
Play.
00:55:35.42,00:55:37.70
And sing.
00:55:41.08,00:55:43.44
Wait, wait!
00:55:44.68,00:55:46.10
How does it go...
00:55:46.10,00:55:51.40
Mama, mama, what should I do?...
00:55:51.40,00:55:53.70
Cool!
00:55:53.70,00:55:54.95
What?
00:55:54.95,00:55:56.60
I said, 'Cool!'
00:55:56.60,00:55:57.90
These people like it.
00:55:57.90,00:55:58.84
What?
00:55:58.84,00:56:00.85
These people like it!
00:56:21.37,00:56:22.68
Let me be a drummer.
00:56:22.68,00:56:23.33
How?
00:56:26.39,00:56:28.22
Foreman!
00:56:28.63,00:56:30.93
We don't need Skripach!
00:56:33.30,00:56:37.37
Don't worry, he can be useful.[br]Give us some water to drink, eh?
00:56:37.37,00:56:40.02
I said, after the performance.
00:56:40.02,00:56:42.91
And we could take it by force.
00:56:46.11,00:56:48.83
Then you'd have to ask us.
00:56:48.83,00:56:52.41
Oo! Touch me - etselop[br]will come and pull off your legs.
00:56:52.41,00:56:54.83
I don't give a damn about your etsilop!
00:56:54.83,00:56:57.96
Calm down, Skripach.[br]Don't provoke the lady...
00:56:59.85,00:57:02.09
Foreman!
00:57:13.19,00:57:15.43
Look.....
00:57:21.51,00:57:23.99
Alright, I understand.
00:57:25.46,00:57:30.12
Listen, do you know anyone[br]with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?
00:57:30.12,00:57:31.65
Why?
00:57:31.65,00:57:36.32
Well he could drop us off on Earth,[br]and we'd give you a big box of ktse, and him...
00:57:37.80,00:57:42.16
I understand that your people[br]don't trust words, well read what I'm thinking...
00:57:45.28,00:57:48.36
...that your wife is phoning the morgues.
00:57:48.36,00:57:51.60
No, what exactly now I'm thinking.
00:57:52.19,00:57:53.79
What you're going to give us.
00:57:53.79,00:57:55.72
Then it's the truth.
00:57:57.14,00:58:00.51
What idiot on Plyuk thinks the truth?
00:58:01.69,00:58:03.64
Absurd!
00:58:04.17,00:58:12.19
So because you say what you[br]don't think and think what you[br]don't think, so you live in cages.
00:58:12.19,00:58:20.28
All this bitter cataclysm which[br]I see here, and Vladimir Nikolaevich sees too...
00:58:20.28,00:58:25.53
Patsaks have to perform in a cage,[br]so we need a cage. Why show off?
00:58:25.53,00:58:28.43
Doesn't matter, my dear,[br]we will sing beside the cage.
00:58:28.43,00:58:31.61
Get in the cage or he will see us,[br]and will trankluk you.
00:58:31.61,00:58:33.20
We're not animals.
00:58:33.20,00:58:34.90
What???
00:58:36.55,00:58:37.68
No you will come inside![br]Come inside!
00:58:37.68,00:58:38.39
Let go!
00:58:38.39,00:58:39.16
You will get in!
00:58:39.16,00:58:40.51
Wait!
00:58:40.51,00:58:42.16
Get in!
00:58:47.53,00:58:50.19
Get in, or he will melt us!
00:58:50.72,00:58:54.92
Okay, get in Skripach.[br]If she wants it that badly.
00:58:55.57,00:58:57.57
Get in.
00:59:02.23,00:59:06.54
One two three...
00:59:06.54,00:59:08.31
Dance!
00:59:08.61,00:59:09.49
Dance...
00:59:09.49,00:59:12.97
You know, try to find[br]another ensemble... my friend.
00:59:14.62,00:59:16.40
What???
00:59:27.01,00:59:29.02
I'll be back.
00:59:32.80,00:59:37.46
We've got to get out of here.[br]Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.
00:59:37.57,00:59:40.29
The pleasure is ours...
00:59:47.43,00:59:49.03
Gas!
00:59:49.03,00:59:51.38
See you, bastards!
01:00:11.09,01:00:13.98
I will tell everybody...
01:00:13.98,01:00:19.94
...where this buffoon PZh has led the planet.
01:00:20.95,01:00:26.32
Patsaks have walked all over chatlanians!
01:00:33.81,01:00:37.12
Well, everything there?
01:00:37.12,01:00:39.54
She stole the eau de cologne.
01:00:40.47,01:00:42.25
Women!...
01:00:47.86,01:00:52.76
Hang on, is that lead you got there?
01:00:52.76,01:00:55.11
Let me, uncle Vova.
01:01:31.70,01:01:35.65
I don't even know which way to look.
01:01:35.65,01:01:38.02
Where's the Earth?
01:01:54.65,01:02:02.55
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov and I,[br]as patsaks, could receive two chatlas[br]for a performance - it's the maximum.
01:02:02.55,01:02:07.57
Water, luts and fines for[br]epsilops - a minimum of one chatl a day.
01:02:07.57,01:02:12.53
And a gravitsapa costs half a ktse![br]That's two thousand two hundred chatls.
01:02:12.53,01:02:21.09
Divided by 365, take off Saturday and Sunday[br]we get six. And that's for those six years when[br]I had no way of returning!
01:02:21.91,01:02:25.63
That's all very well, Gedevan Alexandrovich,[br]but these are just words.
01:02:25.63,01:02:32.13
Where is the proof, that you arrived from the cosmos,[br]and didn't sell the violin, as Professor Rogozin alleges,
01:02:32.13,01:02:35.77
and spent all this time in a discotheque in Garak?
01:02:36.48,01:02:38.90
Here's some rock.
01:02:39.96,01:02:41.92
Here's a chatl.
01:02:43.39,01:02:44.69
Here's a tsak.
01:02:44.69,01:02:52.06
And a nut and sand I attached to the[br]explanation report and handed in to Dean Raechke,[br]so that it could be sent to UNESCO.
01:02:52.06,01:02:53.25
Where?
01:02:53.66,01:02:55.25
UNESCO.
01:02:57.49,01:03:05.40
You are a grown man, Gedevan Alexandrovich.[br]You study for one term and disappear for a year![br]And explain yourself...
01:03:05.40,01:03:14.73
With some pebble, some piece of old[br]Caucas ceramics, and a donkey bell!
01:03:14.74,01:03:20.87
A candidate for... well, as to that,[br]if you have musical talent,
01:03:20.87,01:03:25.00
then why didn't you participate in[br]our amateur performers course?
01:03:25.00,01:03:30.35
You will excuse me, Skripach,[br]but it's elementary koo!
Добавлено:
14-10, 14:58
Господин ПЖ
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00:00:04.40,00:00:04.80
Part Two
00:00:05.30,00:00:11.30
Short Chatlo-patsak dictionary.
00:00:13.30,00:00:20.30
Ktse - matches[br]Tsak - Little bell for the nose.
00:00:22.30,00:00:29.30
Etsikh - Box for prisoners.[br]Etsilop - Member of the Council.
00:00:30.30,00:00:41.30
Pepelats - Interplanetary ship.[br]Gravitsapa - Component of Pepelats motor
00:00:42.30,00:00:50.30
Kyoo - Oath permissible in company.[br]Koo - All other words.
00:03:35.79,00:03:37.20
Hi!
00:03:37.23,00:03:38.57
Hello.
00:03:38.61,00:03:40.98
Long time no see!
00:03:41.01,00:03:42.64
Bye!
00:03:42.68,00:03:44.89
Oi! Hang on a sec!
00:03:46.25,00:03:48.62
I've got a proposal!
00:03:49.09,00:03:49.68
What?
00:03:49.71,00:03:50.27
What?
00:03:54.18,00:03:56.75
What do we think of you?
00:03:56.78,00:03:59.32
Well? Read out minds.
00:04:02.93,00:04:06.24
Why do you stick to us?[br]What do you need?
00:04:06.27,00:04:08.07
Do you have no shame?
00:04:08.10,00:04:09.22
Do you?
00:04:09.26,00:04:12.63
We are poor, unfortunate, hungry artists!
00:04:12.66,00:04:14.99
What wrong have we done you?
00:04:15.02,00:04:17.48
Why do you torment us?
00:04:18.84,00:04:20.97
Give your bandura here...
00:04:23.98,00:04:25.87
Tune up...
00:04:31.73,00:04:33.15
Like so.
00:04:33.18,00:04:34.57
Come on.
00:04:40.01,00:04:42.31
One two three.
00:04:42.73,00:04:48.17
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
00:04:49.88,00:04:54.62
Mama, mama, How will I live?
00:05:01.36,00:05:06.41
I don't have a warm coat,
00:05:06.45,00:05:11.47
I don't have a warm vest.
00:05:23.47,00:05:25.43
Shut it! You're tone deaf!
00:05:25.78,00:05:31.10
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
00:05:31.93,00:05:36.19
Mama, mama, How will I live?
00:05:53.10,00:05:55.35
Uncle Vova, let's do it again!
00:05:56.12,00:05:57.51
They like it...
00:05:57.54,00:05:58.90
They understand.
00:05:59.19,00:06:00.79
One two...
00:06:00.82,00:06:02.39
Etsilop!!!
00:06:26.40,00:06:29.12
Artists! And where is our tub?
00:06:29.41,00:06:30.42
The pepelats?
00:06:30.45,00:06:31.42
Yes.
00:06:31.72,00:06:32.96
There...
00:06:33.38,00:06:35.12
The fuel is finished.
00:06:35.16,00:06:36.87
Because of you, pests.
00:06:37.04,00:06:40.53
Skripach! What are you doing?[br]Hooligan!
00:06:40.56,00:06:42.31
Listen, leave me in peace,[br]okay?
00:06:42.84,00:06:44.26
My friend,
00:06:45.20,00:06:48.04
it's somebody's last breath,
00:06:49.05,00:06:50.82
a grave...
00:06:55.49,00:06:57.17
Mate!
00:06:58.57,00:07:00.28
You said you were 'second class'.
00:07:00.31,00:07:01.47
He's a braggart!
00:07:01.50,00:07:02.55
Cheat!
00:07:02.59,00:07:03.91
You won by reading my thoughts.
00:07:03.95,00:07:06.73
If you had a brain,[br]you'd be studying in MGIMO,
00:07:06.76,00:07:08.50
And not here pissing everybody off.
00:07:08.53,00:07:09.82
Want to play again?
00:07:09.86,00:07:13.59
For your violin,[br]case and tooth stick...
00:07:13.62,00:07:15.56
And this!
00:07:15.59,00:07:17.45
Okay?
00:07:17.49,00:07:20.71
Okay! From you the bandura, visator...
00:07:20.75,00:07:23.64
and the device you base your lives on, Mr. Uef.
00:07:24.47,00:07:25.38
Agreed.
00:07:25.42,00:07:27.13
Let's do it!
00:07:31.57,00:07:33.46
Uncle Vova...
00:07:34.70,00:07:36.73
You need to screw the tsapa in.
00:07:36.76,00:07:38.15
Alright - you do it!
00:07:38.19,00:07:40.19
I'm not allowed, I'm a chatlanian.
00:07:40.79,00:07:42.33
Sod off!
00:07:42.80,00:07:45.23
When it comes to advice,[br]you're all Chatlanians,
00:07:45.26,00:07:46.83
When it comes to work, though...
00:07:47.24,00:07:48.42
Checkmate.
00:07:48.46,00:07:49.61
Cheat!
00:07:50.08,00:07:52.74
You purposely thought bad moves for me!
00:07:52.92,00:07:54.34
Use your own brain for the game!
00:07:54.38,00:07:55.73
How can he use his own brain,
00:07:55.77,00:07:57.53
When he's just seen these dolls[br]for the first time?
00:07:57.71,00:07:58.77
That's not my problem.
00:07:58.81,00:07:59.84
Give me my winnings.
00:08:00.19,00:08:01.49
Yeah right!
00:08:02.02,00:08:08.12
Uef, did you ever see[br]such a mercenary little patsak?
00:08:08.29,00:08:12.26
Never. I told you[br]we don't need Skripach,[br]and here's the result.
00:08:12.43,00:08:13.56
Hey!
00:08:13.97,00:08:15.56
Boss!...
00:08:20.18,00:08:22.07
You said tsapa!
00:08:29.05,00:08:33.01
Is it true nobody sings[br]in cages on the Earth?
00:08:34.14,00:08:39.16
Mr. Bee, on the Earth[br]we only have animals in cages.
00:08:39.52,00:08:42.06
Is an animal a Chatlanian?
00:08:42.48,00:08:45.91
I don't know. They act like it...
00:08:46.38,00:08:48.74
Is a nightingale a Patsak?
00:08:49.28,00:08:50.60
Why a Patsak?
00:08:50.64,00:08:53.30
You said it sings without a cage.
00:08:54.01,00:08:55.84
Well then he's a Patsak.
00:08:56.14,00:09:02.17
Ah! So you see, you have the same[br]open racism as here on Pluke.
00:09:02.70,00:09:05.48
Only the Patsaks have taken power,[br]not the Chatlanian,
00:09:05.60,00:09:10.09
Just like you and your friend the nightingale!
00:09:51.43,00:09:53.20
Let me...
00:10:32.24,00:10:34.38
You can have four gulps.
00:10:34.42,00:10:35.84
The water's for the youngster.
00:10:37.20,00:10:39.89
You owe us 6042 boxes now.
00:10:39.93,00:10:42.59
Skripach, make a note.
00:10:43.83,00:10:45.84
I already have.
00:10:58.26,00:11:00.09
Do you want some?
00:11:01.69,00:11:03.52
No
00:11:04.53,00:11:06.30
It's free.
00:11:16.23,00:11:17.48
Hey!!
00:11:19.78,00:11:21.40
What are you doing?
00:11:21.44,00:11:25.34
And me? And me? And me? And me?
00:11:28.00,00:11:31.14
I'll still give you ten boxes,[br]take some water for yourself...
00:11:40.30,00:11:42.20
God, Kin dza dza!
00:11:55.15,00:11:56.23
A ship!
00:11:56.27,00:11:59.94
It's not a ship. It's a fuel-station.
00:11:59.97,00:12:01.26
So we can refuel!
00:12:01.30,00:12:05.02
We can't! This one's automatic,[br]but with a woman attendant.
00:12:05.32,00:12:07.74
If we perform, she'll give us a discount,[br]understand?
00:12:08.57,00:12:10.60
Don't hesitate, Uncle Vova.
00:12:10.64,00:12:13.13
Come on, come on, my friend...[br]Come on...
00:12:17.44,00:12:20.40
If this was once sea,[br]why are there no sea shells?
00:12:21.23,00:12:23.89
On the Earth you still have sea?
00:12:24.07,00:12:26.31
We have sea, and rivers,
00:12:26.91,00:12:29.39
And honest people, Mr. Uef.
00:12:31.40,00:12:34.36
Savages. You make me want to cry.
00:12:34.95,00:12:39.44
Mama, mama, what shall I do,
00:12:42.34,00:12:46.72
Mama, mama, how shall I live,
00:12:47.43,00:12:52.16
I don't have a warm coat,
00:12:54.58,00:12:59.37
I don't have a warm vest.
00:13:01.32,00:13:03.28
It's a pity my boss can't see me now,
00:13:04.16,00:13:05.94
He'd probably give me a raise.
00:13:05.97,00:13:07.12
Keep quiet, Uncle Vova.
00:13:07.15,00:13:09.25
She's watching us.
00:13:34.20,00:13:37.58
They took the woman out[br]and installed a machine.
00:13:40.00,00:13:42.13
So take enough for the money you have.
00:13:42.16,00:13:44.32
At least we'll fly some way!
00:13:46.86,00:13:49.46
You can't buy luts in parts.
00:13:49.88,00:13:53.96
Luts is ten chatls per load,[br]and we only have seven.
00:14:07.62,00:14:09.69
How far from here to the centre?
00:14:09.72,00:14:12.17
160 km.
00:14:12.59,00:14:15.48
<Uncle>
00:14:25.42,00:14:27.67
Oi, Chatlanian!
00:14:28.79,00:14:30.15
What?
00:14:30.98,00:14:33.05
Can you take your right boot off for us?
00:14:33.52,00:14:35.05
Why?
00:14:58.30,00:15:00.43
You bastard!
00:15:07.17,00:15:08.94
All of you! Squat!
00:15:09.14,00:15:11.90
Why? They're not epsilops are they?
00:15:12.37,00:15:13.93
It's PJ with his Patsak.
00:15:13.97,00:15:15.89
If they find out that you didn't squat,
00:15:15.93,00:15:17.82
It's life in prison laying on nails.
00:15:18.41,00:15:19.94
Who's he?
00:15:30.77,00:15:32.20
You see that?
00:15:32.24,00:15:34.08
Yeah, it's a hologram, my friend.
00:15:34.61,00:15:36.21
The violin!
00:15:39.64,00:15:41.65
Quiet! Stand still!
00:15:41.68,00:15:43.36
Silence!
00:15:49.63,00:15:51.58
And you say koo.
00:16:08.14,00:16:10.77
It's not a balloon, you idiot!
00:16:10.81,00:16:13.41
It's the last breath of Mr. PJ.
00:16:13.58,00:16:14.88
Bollocks.
00:16:15.87,00:16:19.56
How could one person breath[br]so much just before he died?
00:16:19.91,00:16:20.58
Absurd.
00:16:20.62,00:16:23.16
Don't blaspheme. PJ is alive!
00:16:23.19,00:16:24.52
And I am happy.
00:16:24.72,00:16:27.01
I'm happier still.
00:17:06.22,00:17:07.69
Like this.
00:17:08.34,00:17:10.30
Come on, get inside.
00:17:10.33,00:17:11.60
Plastic.
00:17:11.63,00:17:12.90
No.
00:17:13.08,00:17:15.46
Is there a normal entrance[br]to this supermarket?
00:17:15.50,00:17:18.58
Normal entrance you have to pay chatls for,[br]my friend.
00:18:24.41,00:18:25.27
Get on with it!
00:18:25.30,00:18:26.35
Go away.
00:19:04.31,00:19:06.62
Skripach! Patsaks go there!
00:19:26.43,00:19:27.81
What are they doing?
00:19:27.85,00:19:31.99
This is the fourth pump of Mr. PJ.
00:19:32.02,00:19:34.08
I love PJ very much.
00:19:34.11,00:19:36.13
I 'koo' him even more!
00:19:58.78,00:20:01.44
And here they make water from fuel.
00:20:31.21,00:20:32.90
What are they shouting?
00:20:32.93,00:20:34.74
Sell.
00:20:36.39,00:20:38.17
Sell what?
00:20:38.37,00:20:40.02
Sell everything.
00:20:40.06,00:20:42.13
So we'll take a gravitsapa!
00:20:42.23,00:20:44.50
Gravitsapas are another department.
00:20:45.09,00:20:47.57
First we need to find out[br]the Tenture of the Earth.
00:20:54.02,00:20:56.62
Yellow Trousers... two times 'koo'.
00:21:23.41,00:21:26.54
Think! What's the diameter[br]of you planet's orbit?
00:21:30.21,00:21:32.75
I don't remember... Skripach do you know?
00:21:32.78,00:21:35.06
No, we don't need Skripach. You!
00:21:35.89,00:21:37.42
All right.
00:21:40.74,00:21:43.99
The specific gravity of the core[br]of your planet. Think.
00:21:44.28,00:21:47.12
Specific gravity? No, I can't remember...
00:21:47.48,00:21:49.07
I see.
00:21:50.14,00:21:54.34
The names of the planets in your galaxy.[br]Which ones do you know? Think.
00:21:56.29,00:21:59.66
<Jupiter>
00:21:59.90,00:22:03.68
There was a crystal display![br]Where is the crystal display?
00:22:03.71,00:22:05.89
Skripach! Put it back in its place!
00:22:05.92,00:22:08.06
I thought as it was lying there...
00:22:09.00,00:22:10.84
...it was a piece of glass...
00:22:12.26,00:22:14.21
Stupid idiot.
00:22:15.92,00:22:19.53
Enough. Stop your brains squeaking, fool.
00:22:20.71,00:22:23.79
Here's the number of your planet:[br]013 in the tenture.
00:22:23.82,00:22:25.86
On the left of the Great Bear.
00:22:26.75,00:22:28.82
Do you want to talk with the Earth?[br]It'll cost you another chatl.
00:22:29.47,00:22:30.19
I don't understand?
00:22:30.23,00:22:32.36
Think of your own telephone number!
00:22:35.02,00:22:37.27
And ask them about matches.
00:22:48.69,00:22:51.52
...Hallo! Hallo! Can you hear me?
00:22:53.12,00:22:54.36
<speak>
00:22:54.39,00:22:55.84
Hallo!
00:22:56.96,00:22:59.33
Hallo! I'm listening, go ahead!
00:23:00.51,00:23:02.01
Hallo!
00:23:02.05,00:23:03.47
<Speak! It's timed! >
00:23:03.50,00:23:05.89
Hallo! Lucy!
00:23:05.92,00:23:06.80
Vova!
00:23:06.84,00:23:08.73
Can you hear me? It's me!
00:23:08.76,00:23:10.33
Vova, where are you?
00:23:11.87,00:23:13.96
Well, I'm here... How are you?
00:23:14.23,00:23:14.84
You...
00:23:14.88,00:23:16.09
How's Cyril?
00:23:16.13,00:23:18.55
Where are you, Vo...[br]Where are you, Vova?
00:23:18.58,00:23:20.34
I'm here, in some place,
00:23:20.38,00:23:22.10
I'll explain everything later.
00:23:22.13,00:23:24.23
How's mum feeling?
00:23:24.58,00:23:26.14
Have you been to see her?
00:23:26.18,00:23:30.32
I have been... I asked you where you were!
00:23:31.97,00:23:37.36
Listen, wife of Patsak! Stop pissing about![br]Run and buy two boxes of matches!
00:23:37.39,00:23:38.66
Or else you'll never be together!
00:23:38.69,00:23:41.85
<Sod> Lucy! Lucy...
00:23:44.04,00:23:46.70
Lucy. My darling...
00:23:47.35,00:23:49.89
Lucy... Lucy!
00:23:50.37,00:23:54.17
Take the phone, right now,[br]and ring Victor Manohin...
00:23:54.21,00:23:57.76
...tell him that the keys for the plumbing store[br]are in my portacabin,
00:23:58.11,00:24:00.54
under the thingy... under the cupboard.[br]Lying on the floor.
00:24:00.57,00:24:02.19
Did you get all that?
00:24:02.22,00:24:03.85
Yes, I got it...
00:24:06.69,00:24:10.12
Put me through to Batumi, 3-47-57, please.
00:24:10.15,00:24:12.37
Tell them to fetch Alec.
00:24:12.60,00:24:16.03
No, I won't. Piss off you bloody thief.
00:24:42.35,00:24:44.48
Is something wrong?
00:24:48.09,00:24:51.59
It's alright, only the Earth is so far way.
00:24:51.63,00:24:54.30
Instead of five, the gravitsapa needs[br]seven minutes to warm up.
00:24:54.33,00:24:57.19
So let's go and get the tsapa ready[br]for the gravitsapa.
00:24:58.02,00:25:01.16
Astronauts! Which is the tsapa here?
00:25:02.10,00:25:04.59
This rusty nail, my friend.
00:25:06.77,00:25:08.96
Yeah! Everything here's rusty!
00:25:09.53,00:25:11.74
And that's the most rusty.
00:25:18.13,00:25:20.20
Are you quite crazy?
00:25:20.79,00:25:27.35
Oh, mama-mama.[br]Lucy and Manohin moved, and we need...
00:25:35.57,00:25:36.82
Uncle Vova!
00:25:38.47,00:25:40.60
The match is in his cap!
00:25:41.67,00:25:43.44
Strange, that they should fly off now.
00:25:43.56,00:25:46.10
Why strange? They've got a match,[br]can buy a gravitsapa,
00:25:46.13,00:25:48.10
and know the Tenture of the Earth!
00:25:50.30,00:25:54.44
Comrade Etsilop! Comrade Etsilop!
00:25:55.68,00:25:57.81
They've stolen our things!
00:25:58.16,00:25:59.88
Arrest them!
00:26:04.02,00:26:05.85
Arrest them!
00:26:06.33,00:26:07.88
Forty Chatls.
00:26:07.92,00:26:10.58
We've no chatls.[br]Everything is with the tour guide.
00:26:10.61,00:26:12.58
And the violin they took is somebody else's.
00:26:12.62,00:26:14.55
And when they were[br]in front of the video of PJ,
00:26:14.58,00:26:15.93
They didn't say Koo!
00:26:15.97,00:26:17.44
Why are you staring at me?
00:26:17.48,00:26:18.92
Why are you staring at me?
00:26:19.00,00:26:22.29
If your bosses find out that you knew[br]of this and did nothing,
00:26:22.32,00:26:24.84
You'll be bloody trankluted! Get it?
00:26:26.67,00:26:28.23
I didn't do nothing!
00:26:28.27,00:26:30.75
I pressed the button straight away!
00:26:30.78,00:26:32.75
Skripach is a witness.
00:26:32.94,00:26:34.02
All guards!
00:26:34.06,00:26:36.43
Bring a wheeled prison tub, here
00:26:40.69,00:26:42.70
There's nothing in it.
00:26:42.81,00:26:44.76
Open it.
00:26:44.80,00:26:46.72
Show me.
00:26:59.55,00:27:01.32
It's vinegar.
00:27:01.44,00:27:03.32
It's none of your business.
00:27:15.28,00:27:17.49
The Patsak will be tranklukated,
00:27:17.53,00:27:20.23
The Chatlanian will spend his life[br]in a tub lying on nails.
00:27:27.11,00:27:31.19
Oh, brothers, brothers. Fellow Patsaks.
00:27:31.54,00:27:35.05
Tell the truth, how I squatted.
00:27:35.09,00:27:39.47
How the Chatlanian pressed the take off button.
00:27:39.50,00:27:40.49
Shut the fuck up!
00:27:40.53,00:27:41.27
Uncle Vova, please...
00:27:41.30,00:27:42.43
Shut up! Parasite!
00:27:42.46,00:27:43.55
Shut up yourself!
00:27:44.73,00:27:47.98
Vova, friend! Gedevan Alexanich!
00:27:48.14,00:27:49.42
Don't listen to him!
00:27:49.46,00:27:51.47
Tell them that it was him!
00:27:51.50,00:27:53.19
He didn't squat!
00:27:53.22,00:27:53.50
No...
00:27:53.54,00:27:54.82
And I'll give the pepelats to you.
00:27:54.86,00:27:58.51
Uncle Vova! The pepelats is mine! Mine!
00:27:58.54,00:28:01.47
Quiet! Calm down!
00:28:02.47,00:28:04.19
...Let me think.
00:28:05.31,00:28:07.16
Nobody insulted anyone...
00:28:07.20,00:28:09.33
They all squatted, like monkeys.
00:28:10.22,00:28:11.99
I was confused.
00:28:13.00,00:28:15.31
And I brought the Ktse.
00:28:18.26,00:28:19.68
What Ktse?
00:28:19.80,00:28:22.46
The match, which you took out...[br]from the hat.
00:28:23.05,00:28:25.44
There wasn't a match. There wasn't.
00:28:25.48,00:28:28.40
Uncle Vova, what's the matter with you?
00:28:28.44,00:28:31.33
Forgive me, I forgot. There was no match.
00:28:32.63,00:28:34.23
Never.
00:28:35.89,00:28:38.84
Life imprisonment for both[br]in a tub without nails.
00:28:38.87,00:28:40.46
As to the fine.
00:28:40.50,00:28:44.34
500 chatls, 250 per place.
00:28:45.41,00:28:46.71
Thank you!
00:28:47.24,00:28:50.43
Patsak! Glue the violin[br]and sing the song!
00:28:50.67,00:28:52.05
Skripach! You work the bandura!
00:28:52.09,00:28:56.17
Friends! We were joking about the violin.[br]We were happy to reach you!
00:28:59.07,00:29:00.31
Hi!
00:29:01.26,00:29:07.17
On the river, on the river, on yonder bank...
00:29:17.87,00:29:19.94
Earthman, hello!
00:29:20.18,00:29:24.14
I can assure you,[br]we will return to your planet.
00:29:27.16,00:29:30.41
Greetings from[br]Vladimir Nikolaevich Mashkov,
00:29:30.44,00:29:32.37
builder from Moscow,
00:29:32.41,00:29:35.32
and Gedevan Alexidse from Batumi,
00:29:36.15,00:29:39.52
who are the first to set foot[br]on these villainous sands
00:29:39.55,00:29:41.00
established in this backyard.
00:29:41.07,00:29:44.07
Brother Patsak, flip again your cover.
00:29:44.10,00:29:45.89
You have some water there.
00:29:45.92,00:29:47.67
Well give me something for it.
00:29:59.09,00:30:01.89
Maybe sometime I can show you
00:30:01.93,00:30:05.90
one of those who knew me and is still living.
00:30:06.55,00:30:08.91
Ask him if I stole a match...
00:30:08.94,00:30:11.63
There! Looks like new!
00:30:17.55,00:30:19.56
There's still a little bit.
00:30:20.98,00:30:23.52
It happens... It will be...
00:30:36.94,00:30:38.26
High calorie?
00:30:38.30,00:30:44.16
Earthmen! How could it be so difficult?[br]I could hardly find you.
00:30:44.19,00:30:46.58
I got my memory back.
00:30:46.82,00:30:48.95
Here's your sock, thank you.
00:30:49.30,00:30:51.78
If you want, I can return you to the Earth.
00:30:51.82,00:30:54.27
I found out your number in the tenture.
00:30:54.74,00:30:59.06
Only hurry! For one second here[br]is half a year there.
00:30:59.47,00:31:00.86
Then I have a suggestion...
00:31:00.89,00:31:02.25
We transport to the Earth now,
00:31:02.28,00:31:03.28
Procure some matches,
00:31:03.32,00:31:04.80
Shoot back here and sell them,
00:31:04.83,00:31:06.89
Bail out our friends,
00:31:06.93,00:31:08.61
We go to Moscow, and you go home.
00:31:08.65,00:31:10.30
I can't. I've only three charges.
00:31:10.33,00:31:11.74
Well that's okay.
00:31:11.78,00:31:15.62
Enough times to go there[br]back here and home again.
00:31:15.65,00:31:17.51
And me?
00:31:18.58,00:31:19.94
Listen, friend...
00:31:29.69,00:31:31.07
Well work it out, yes or no,
00:31:31.11,00:31:33.65
I'll count to three... One... Two...
00:31:33.69,00:31:35.68
Wait a minute. Take my suggestion.
00:31:35.72,00:31:37.68
It's my fault they are in prison.
00:31:38.21,00:31:41.17
And my little son has already grown[br]an adult's beard!
00:31:41.40,00:31:43.06
Two and a half!
00:31:43.09,00:31:44.79
Two and a half!
00:31:44.83,00:31:46.49
I... I can't do it.
00:31:47.91,00:31:49.45
Three.
00:32:07.31,00:32:09.14
Oh! Who needs it all?
00:32:09.79,00:32:13.52
Tsak-schmak! It's all crap! And we...
00:32:24.99,00:32:27.29
Where did you get that from? Eh?
00:32:29.42,00:32:31.67
It was laying on a shelf in the planetarium...
00:32:32.56,00:32:36.34
Skripach! You kleptomaniac!
00:32:36.93,00:32:38.77
You brought us a gravitsapa!
00:33:26.91,00:33:28.92
Patsaks! Patsaks!
00:33:30.16,00:33:32.47
Why are you standing performing here?
00:33:32.50,00:33:34.48
You have to stand there.
00:33:35.42,00:33:37.55
The Etsilops won't allow us.
00:33:37.91,00:33:40.04
You can only kneel here.
00:33:41.04,00:33:43.11
So what if we're here...
00:33:43.14,00:33:45.18
You've still got to pay us.
00:33:47.60,00:33:49.44
Alright, come on...
00:33:53.58,00:33:55.59
Come on, obey the rules.
00:34:32.14,00:34:37.04
Uncle Vova, your jacket is coming,[br]and my hat.
00:34:38.29,00:34:39.76
Hi!
00:34:41.66,00:34:43.31
How are things?
00:34:46.03,00:34:49.40
Anything new happened... on Pluke?
00:34:53.54,00:34:55.44
Sing!
00:34:59.81,00:35:01.82
We seem to be out of voice today.
00:35:03.24,00:35:05.02
Sing!
00:36:12.55,00:36:16.63
Vladimir Nikolaevich,[br]I can't do any more...
00:36:16.87,00:36:18.82
Don't worry, Skripach.
00:36:21.31,00:36:22.90
How much is that?
00:36:22.93,00:36:24.34
One hundred.
00:36:24.38,00:36:26.51
Seems like we've sung enough.
00:36:28.58,00:36:30.00
And what's that there?
00:36:30.03,00:36:31.77
Fifty.
00:36:36.50,00:36:38.40
Etsilpo!
00:36:47.21,00:36:48.98
Patsaks!
00:36:49.40,00:36:51.58
Why aren't you wearing muzzles?
00:36:52.41,00:36:53.83
Turn round!
00:36:54.36,00:36:59.45
Orders of Mr. PJ - all Patsaks[br]to wear muzzles...
00:37:00.34,00:37:01.95
and be glad.
00:37:01.99,00:37:05.90
So, that's for me and that's for you.
00:37:07.49,00:37:09.34
And that's for you.
00:37:09.38,00:37:13.23
Why aren't you glad? I demand to know.
00:37:17.01,00:37:19.67
Pick up your own gun, Chatlanian.
00:37:24.05,00:37:25.35
Put them on, then...
00:37:25.38,00:37:27.11
I'm doing it...
00:37:27.15,00:37:28.84
I'm glad. Ho ho.
00:37:30.97,00:37:33.45
Oh look, PJ's coming!
00:37:34.58,00:37:35.46
Where?
00:37:41.14,00:37:42.92
Get up!
00:37:44.87,00:37:46.52
Get up!
00:37:47.59,00:37:49.30
Open your mouth!
00:37:49.84,00:37:51.37
Wider!
00:37:52.08,00:37:54.63
Skripach, gag!
00:37:57.05,00:37:58.88
Quickly!
00:38:02.67,00:38:04.74
Turn round!
00:38:06.63,00:38:08.11
Nose!
00:38:10.42,00:38:12.50
Give me the money!
00:38:12.54,00:38:16.92
Okay... Make sure they stay there,[br]like so...
00:38:19.64,00:38:21.59
And you can get rid of these!
00:38:24.31,00:38:27.06
If you think, that this idiot won't[br]tranklucate you,
00:38:27.09,00:38:29.81
it'll be the last though[br]in your Chatlanian head!
00:38:30.58,00:38:33.95
Use the shortest route... through[br]the atrium... arch!
00:38:34.90,00:38:37.56
Everyone lay down for half an hour!
00:38:42.76,00:38:44.06
Forwards!
00:38:44.10,00:38:45.37
Forwards!
00:38:46.25,00:38:47.91
Quickly!
00:38:57.67,00:38:59.56
Excuse me Grandma...
00:39:09.32,00:39:11.21
Mama PJ
00:39:38.18,00:39:40.36
Did you see it?
00:39:40.72,00:39:42.73
Yes.
00:39:44.03,00:39:47.11
Everyone quickly now... in the pool!
00:39:58.82,00:40:00.77
Open the door.
00:40:03.55,00:40:07.39
And stay there for 24 hours![br]Do you Koo or not?
00:40:33.94,00:40:35.72
Here...
00:40:41.69,00:40:42.99
What number?
00:40:43.02,00:40:44.29
The last one.
00:41:11.20,00:41:12.98
Hello...
00:41:15.64,00:41:18.24
Hey, Chatlanian! Sing!
00:41:19.42,00:41:21.73
Finish, Skripach...
00:41:24.09,00:41:26.40
Wheel out the last but one.
00:41:37.70,00:41:39.53
Vanish!
00:41:54.96,00:41:57.51
Hello, Gedevan Alexandrovich.
00:41:58.39,00:41:59.69
Bastard!
00:42:01.82,00:42:03.78
Get out.
00:42:05.49,00:42:06.87
I can't.
00:42:06.91,00:42:08.62
They'll catch us.
00:42:13.59,00:42:15.37
Stop!
00:42:18.68,00:42:20.87
We have a gravitsapa.
00:42:38.43,00:42:40.32
Cut it.
00:42:41.62,00:42:43.10
Right here.
00:42:50.73,00:42:52.86
Throw your weight on it!
00:43:02.26,00:43:05.57
Uncle Vova! Help me roll the tub out!
00:43:06.88,00:43:08.41
Leave it!
00:43:08.83,00:43:10.44
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
00:43:10.48,00:43:14.45
Because of one stone from the moon[br]mankind wasted a thousand years,
00:43:14.48,00:43:17.64
and here's a living alien, and etsik...
00:43:17.67,00:43:19.95
made of an unknown metal.
00:43:20.95,00:43:23.32
Leave it, I said!
00:43:42.71,00:43:44.09
Tsapa.
00:43:44.13,00:43:46.13
We have a tsapa.
00:43:47.39,00:43:49.10
Operate the tsapa!
00:43:49.13,00:43:51.10
It's working!
00:43:55.25,00:43:56.46
So are we flying?
00:43:56.50,00:43:57.64
Seems like it.
00:43:57.68,00:44:01.34
Brothers! Be quick! They're after us now!
00:44:01.37,00:44:03.06
Don't interfere.
00:44:24.94,00:44:26.77
She's landed.
00:44:27.13,00:44:29.08
Where?
00:44:31.09,00:44:32.92
Hanut.
00:44:34.34,00:44:36.31
And what's Hanut?
00:44:36.35,00:44:38.78
The planet I was born on.
00:44:38.81,00:44:40.14
And me.
00:44:42.56,00:44:43.76
Night.
00:44:43.80,00:44:46.05
It's always night here, now.
00:44:46.08,00:44:47.53
Time to put this on.
00:44:47.56,00:44:48.26
Why?
00:44:48.30,00:44:50.55
There's no bloody air.
00:44:50.96,00:44:52.99
So how do you live here?
00:44:53.03,00:44:55.45
Nobody's lived here for years.
00:44:56.05,00:45:01.07
The Pluke's trankluked it[br]while we were on an expedition.
00:45:01.10,00:45:02.39
Why?
00:45:02.43,00:45:04.56
Because we didn't have time[br]to do them first.
00:45:04.59,00:45:06.52
And why would you want to do them?
00:45:06.56,00:45:08.88
So that they weren't hanging over our heads.
00:45:10.18,00:45:11.18
And everybody perished?
00:45:11.21,00:45:12.78
Of course.
00:45:13.85,00:45:16.09
Vovka, I've a suggestion.
00:45:16.51,00:45:18.93
The planet Hanut is only worth kopeks now.
00:45:18.96,00:45:20.31
63 chatls.
00:45:20.35,00:45:22.89
We go and sing 'Mama' around the galaxy[br]for a month,
00:45:22.92,00:45:24.85
then the planet is ours.
00:45:24.89,00:45:27.09
And another month - we can buy air.
00:45:27.12,00:45:29.05
93 chatls.
00:45:29.09,00:45:32.47
There will be no air for anybody[br]who comes here...
00:45:32.50,00:45:34.03
The air will be ours.
00:45:34.07,00:45:37.38
They'll be crawling around,[br]and we'll be spitting on them.
00:45:37.41,00:45:39.08
Why?
00:45:39.11,00:45:40.70
For fun!
00:45:40.74,00:45:42.74
Where's the fun in that?
00:45:43.77,00:45:45.15
You're too young to know...
00:45:45.19,00:45:49.21
Half the planet's yours, half ours. Okay?
00:45:50.98,00:45:53.17
Tempting, of course...
00:45:54.59,00:45:56.90
But we need the Earth, guys.
00:45:57.08,00:46:00.68
We have to hurry. The supermarket closes[br]in half an hour.
00:46:04.53,00:46:07.07
Vovka, you don't...
00:46:10.09,00:46:12.22
Just look.
00:46:14.99,00:46:16.59
We're here.
00:46:17.30,00:46:18.90
And there's the Earth.
00:46:19.08,00:46:20.90
And here's Alpha.
00:46:21.15,00:46:24.28
They make cactuses from us on Alpha.
00:46:24.52,00:46:26.94
Earth's in the anti-tenture, my friend.
00:46:27.41,00:46:30.78
And there's no way that we can reach it,[br]understand?
00:46:31.79,00:46:33.05
How's that so?
00:46:33.09,00:46:36.70
Just is. All my life I never went.
00:46:37.23,00:46:40.48
It's not possible for a pepelats to get to Earth.
00:46:40.51,00:46:42.26
Enough of this bollocks!
00:46:42.29,00:46:43.87
Is it clear?
00:46:43.91,00:46:46.10
Let's divide the planet up.
00:46:56.86,00:46:59.59
You found this out in the planetarium?
00:46:59.62,00:47:01.59
Yes, my friend.
00:47:01.89,00:47:04.14
...therefore you stole a match?
00:47:05.20,00:47:06.70
Of course.
00:47:06.74,00:47:09.28
They're lying, Uncle Vova.
00:47:10.82,00:47:12.65
Don't believe them.
00:47:14.37,00:47:17.68
Now, take us to the Earth, that's all!
00:47:18.45,00:47:21.29
No, Gedevan, they're not lying.
00:47:21.88,00:47:27.26
They'd crawl across the whole universe[br]for these matches...
00:47:44.65,00:47:48.11
Vovka! You shouldn't joke like that...
00:47:48.14,00:47:51.57
The oxygen here is two percent of normal.
00:48:54.20,00:48:57.57
Gedevan... You don't need this.
00:48:57.60,00:49:00.94
You're young, you live a long time.
00:49:00.97,00:49:03.72
Maybe things will change...
00:49:04.43,00:49:09.39
We don't need Skripach, Uncle Vova.
00:49:23.59,00:49:26.43
Hey, Patsak!
00:49:31.75,00:49:35.12
I don't give a shit what you discard.
00:49:35.83,00:49:38.45
Tell the truth for once in your life.
00:49:38.49,00:49:42.04
Why didn't you go with that idiot[br]when you could?
00:49:43.99,00:49:45.65
What did you want?
00:49:47.30,00:49:52.51
Crimson Trousers? PJ's bathhouse?[br]Tell me!
00:50:00.13,00:50:04.33
Gedevan, you tell him.
00:50:04.75,00:50:06.05
Or I can.
00:50:07.59,00:50:10.60
I have a Georgian mother. Had.
00:50:21.25,00:50:26.06
She says she is a local Georgian. Was.
00:50:26.10,00:50:31.06
Uef! How would you like it[br]if I took them to Alpha.
00:50:33.78,00:50:36.74
And you, scabby Chatlanian, wear the tsak!
00:50:36.92,00:50:39.76
And sit down when you speak to a Patsak!
00:50:39.79,00:50:42.60
Hanut is the Patsak planet, my friend.
00:50:45.97,00:50:47.50
Repeat it again.
00:50:48.51,00:50:54.84
You eject us on Alpha, and try to brake[br]in its orbit, and then...
00:50:54.87,00:50:56.14
You won't be able to brake there.
00:50:56.17,00:50:58.33
Don't interrupt...
00:51:00.22,00:51:01.70
Go on, my friend.
00:51:02.53,00:51:06.45
On Alpha, when they transfer us to the Earth,
00:51:06.49,00:51:09.80
we need to keep our fingers[br]on the transference machine
00:51:09.83,00:51:11.80
so that it stays with us.
00:51:12.64,00:51:16.84
On Earth we can buy you[br]four boxes of matches.
00:51:18.91,00:51:20.44
Go on, friend.
00:51:20.98,00:51:23.46
Well I could keep going on about[br]this and that.
00:51:24.11,00:51:24.91
Let's go.
00:51:24.94,00:51:25.67
If we can...
00:51:25.71,00:51:28.37
Because of you I'll be locked up[br]in a tub forever.
00:51:32.15,00:51:35.29
And you have shown your laziness,[br]once more.
00:51:39.13,00:51:41.73
Brothers! Dear, good, friend of mine...
00:51:41.76,00:51:44.33
So fly, even if the door is closed.
00:51:46.11,00:51:48.36
I can't stand looking at you any more,
00:51:49.30,00:51:51.26
it makes me sick.
00:51:56.70,00:51:58.12
Farewell, my friend.
00:52:05.63,00:52:06.63
Let's go.
00:52:07.16,00:52:12.39
Brake! Brake! Brake!
00:52:12.43,00:52:16.39
How can I brake when you drank[br]all the brake fluid?
00:52:16.42,00:52:18.39
Alcoholic!
00:52:18.70,00:52:20.41
It's ruined.
00:52:21.06,00:52:22.54
Switch off your antlers!
00:52:22.57,00:52:24.01
They won't switch off.
00:52:24.04,00:52:25.66
Then take them off.
00:52:25.69,00:52:27.27
They're broken.
00:52:29.10,00:52:31.06
It seems to have landed.
00:52:35.14,00:52:35.85
Put on your gas mask.
00:52:35.88,00:52:36.56
Just like last time.
00:52:36.73,00:52:37.64
And the tsak?
00:52:37.68,00:52:39.68
No, we can do without it.
00:52:45.07,00:52:47.02
Earth!
00:53:10.74,00:53:16.65
On the river, on the river,[br]on those banks...
00:53:21.20,00:53:24.58
No... not the Earth.
00:53:29.96,00:53:31.32
Hello!
00:53:33.03,00:53:35.52
We're Patsaks from the planet Earth.
00:53:35.55,00:53:37.07
And you are?
00:53:37.11,00:53:39.07
This is the planet Alpha.
00:53:39.11,00:53:41.80
Report your co-ordinates to the Deacon,
00:53:41.84,00:53:44.09
and she will transfer you[br]to your point of departure.
00:53:44.68,00:53:46.22
Good luck!
00:53:48.29,00:53:50.83
The number of your planet,[br]if you'd be so good.
00:53:51.54,00:53:54.03
013 in the tenture.
00:53:57.75,00:53:59.49
Here it is...
00:53:59.53,00:54:00.89
Somewhere here straight ahead.
00:54:00.92,00:54:01.67
There.
00:54:01.71,00:54:03.67
To the left of the Great Bear.
00:54:03.71,00:54:07.63
That's not necessary.[br]If you would, hold hands.
00:54:07.66,00:54:10.64
Woman, what are you going to do with these?
00:54:10.67,00:54:12.71
Into the small room of the hothouse.
00:54:12.74,00:54:13.65
Please.
00:54:13.68,00:54:14.51
You...
00:54:14.55,00:54:15.39
Hold hands!
00:54:15.43,00:54:17.86
Do you really turn people into cacti?
00:54:17.89,00:54:18.94
Only out of Plukanians.
00:54:18.98,00:54:20.98
Oh, but they're not Plukanians.[br]They're Hanutians.
00:54:21.17,00:54:25.78
That is irrelevant. Please put on[br]the breathing masks.
00:54:26.49,00:54:28.98
Why, your air is really nice.
00:54:29.01,00:54:30.65
That is precisely why.
00:54:30.69,00:54:32.25
God, just look at her.
00:54:32.29,00:54:35.25
Ok, Gedevan. Calm down. Put it on.
00:54:37.97,00:54:39.86
In the name of the planet,
00:54:42.22,00:54:44.47
I'm asking you to let them go.
00:54:48.98,00:54:52.10
Who decides their fate?
00:54:52.13,00:54:54.76
Abrodox. But...
00:54:56.42,00:54:57.80
Take us to him.
00:54:57.84,00:55:02.51
Otherwise I'll take off my mask[br]and start breathing.
00:55:05.76,00:55:10.20
You shouldn't worry.[br]Our orangeries are very comfortable.
00:55:11.02,00:55:13.45
Blossoming micro-climate, serenity.
00:55:13.98,00:55:16.05
One could be jealous of it.
00:55:16.94,00:55:20.01
Then why are you running around[br]on the grass,
00:55:20.04,00:55:21.81
and not inside in a pot?
00:55:21.85,00:55:23.64
Please look where you are going,
00:55:23.68,00:55:25.68
you've already squashed three plants.
00:55:25.93,00:55:27.47
Friend!
00:55:28.65,00:55:30.42
We have a big favor to ask you.
00:55:30.45,00:55:33.97
You can't continue. No.
00:55:34.50,00:55:39.88
Our misfortune is here[br]in the neighborhood[br]of the galaxy Kin-Dza-Dza.
00:55:39.91,00:55:42.49
They are consumed with fury.
00:55:42.52,00:55:44.38
...and depravity.
00:55:44.56,00:55:50.65
To continue their lives[br]in the form of plants[br]would be a blessing for them.
00:55:50.88,00:55:52.60
And everyone else.
00:55:53.13,00:55:58.28
Can we send for them[br]and ask them what would be[br]a blessing for them and what not?
00:55:59.28,00:56:04.37
Well if we were to give them[br]the possibility to make[br]that decision, then...
00:56:05.73,00:56:08.68
Young lady, are you[br]the most intelligent one here?
00:56:10.28,00:56:13.36
Do you do as your told,[br]or what you decide yourself?
00:56:13.39,00:56:15.66
We can't waste time with this.
00:56:16.31,00:56:19.41
You are creatures of the anti-tenture,
00:56:19.45,00:56:25.72
and I must send you to your[br]point of departure.
00:56:26.07,00:56:31.69
Or return you in time, to the moment[br]when you made your fateful decision.
00:56:32.34,00:56:34.05
Choose.
00:56:34.29,00:56:37.13
Excuse me. I don't understand. To what time?
00:56:37.16,00:56:40.09
The past... to Pluke.
00:56:52.21,00:56:57.71
So it's like this... Alone on Earth.
00:56:58.71,00:56:59.71
Or together in the past?
00:56:59.96,00:57:05.52
Vladimir Nikolaevich,[br]I won't allow you on Pluke alone.
00:57:09.72,00:57:13.09
Listen, uncle, set it for the past.
00:57:24.14,00:57:27.16
What did it take, 15 minutes[br]to glue the violin?
00:57:28.05,00:57:29.82
15 minutes.
00:57:34.08,00:57:37.21
Brother Patsak is coming with the sock.
00:57:37.24,00:57:39.28
Let him transfer the etsik for us.
00:57:39.31,00:57:40.23
Do you know where it is?
00:57:40.26,00:57:41.43
I know.
00:57:41.47,00:57:43.15
Go on then, show us.
00:57:43.19,00:57:45.43
Let's give them something else to do.
00:57:45.46,00:57:47.86
Everyone rest for half an hour!
00:57:51.41,00:57:53.30
Thank you, my friend.
00:58:08.91,00:58:11.16
Play, play, peasants.
00:58:23.46,00:58:26.00
Skripach! Time!
00:58:27.48,00:58:30.14
Once again you haven't transferred, Bastards.
00:58:30.17,00:58:31.64
Again. Get out.
00:58:31.68,00:58:35.70
Bollocks. It's better for us here than on Alpha.
00:58:35.73,00:58:38.07
Come on, drag them out.
00:58:44.87,00:58:47.77
Quickly, bring us the transfer machine.
00:58:48.00,00:58:53.38
Vladimir Nikoleavich! You owe us[br]eleven thousand boxes,[br]as Skripach has noted.
00:58:53.41,00:58:55.45
Eleven thousand and twenty.
00:58:55.63,00:59:01.01
I have a suggestion. Vova! We'll transfer[br]with you to the Supermarket now,
00:59:01.25,00:59:03.04
and after you've bought them all...
00:59:03.08,00:59:06.57
There won't be any 'after'.[br]We can only go to the Earth.
00:59:08.94,00:59:10.36
Forever?
00:59:11.42,00:59:13.26
Forever.
00:59:14.14,00:59:18.70
Me on a planet where they don't even know[br]who should squat in front of whom?
00:59:18.87,00:59:20.84
Take the gravitsapa and do what you want.
00:59:20.88,00:59:24.14
Uncle Uef. Uncle Bee. You'll meet so much there...
00:59:24.20,00:59:29.22
No, Gedevan! When a society has[br]no colored trousers to differentiate class,
00:59:29.25,00:59:32.08
then there is no goal. And if there is no goal...
00:59:32.12,00:59:35.02
Brothers. Enough philosophizing.[br]He's already made his choice.
00:59:35.31,00:59:37.21
Now, decide.
00:59:37.92,00:59:39.00
With us or not?
00:59:39.04,00:59:40.99
Here's the gravitsapa, ok?
00:59:44.42,00:59:46.02
Give it to him.
00:59:48.68,00:59:50.81
No point.
00:59:59.80,01:00:03.40
Well, let's say goodbye...
01:00:08.90,01:00:11.09
I got used to you, you know.
01:00:12.93,01:00:14.40
Me too.
01:00:32.97,01:00:35.52
Well, take care.
01:00:36.05,01:00:39.89
Friends, Patsaks!
01:00:40.72,01:00:45.45
Here's your sock, thank you. If you want...
01:00:45.48,01:00:48.76
Friend! Which is your system?
01:00:50.06,01:00:52.31
Let me have a look.
01:00:53.20,01:00:56.81
An ordinary system.[br]Press the button and go home.
01:01:13.66,01:01:14.73
Hi
01:01:15.02,01:01:17.46
Hi - what's new?
01:01:17.50,01:01:20.40
Manohin had a pipe burst at the factory.
01:01:56.83,01:01:58.61
How's the star schoolboy?
01:01:58.64,01:01:59.86
He's out playing...
01:01:59.88,01:02:02.86
Vovka, pop out for some bread - I forgot it, can you?
01:02:04.87,01:02:07.18
Have we enough macaroni?
01:02:24.86,01:02:26.24
Comrade...
01:02:26.28,01:02:28.23
How do I get to the Old Arbat?
01:02:28.26,01:02:29.77
That way, to the right.
01:02:29.80,01:02:31.43
Thank you.
01:02:53.72,01:02:56.09
...Skripach?
01:02:59.81,01:03:02.12
Uncle Vova?
01:03:08.03,01:03:09.87
...Skripach!
01:03:12.29,01:03:14.42
Uncle Vova!
01:03:34.71,01:03:42.10
Mama, mama, what shall I do?
01:03:47.18,01:03:51.46
The End